Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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