You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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