Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
