you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
