so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
