between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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