Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
