So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
