My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
