I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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