Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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