Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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