Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
