He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
