you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
