shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
