she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
