Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
