I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
