I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
