she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
