you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
