just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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