So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
