No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
