i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
