i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
birth control should be required to get into college
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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