he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
