A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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