You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
