3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just pynch a tree in the face
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
