I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
