yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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