You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
