Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
