We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
