He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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