i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
there is glitter all over my balls
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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