Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
