nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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