dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
