I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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