Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
