Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
