Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
