So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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