Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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