Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Hippo gnu deer
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
