im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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