I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
